Depression SUCKS, but Most People Hide It, Drink it, Snort it or Act Like It's Normal

Hal Lindsey, an American evangelist, best known for his books on end times prophecies, including the bestseller The Late Great Planet Earth, said:

“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air...but only for one second without hope.”

 
 

 That seems a bit overstated, but I sort of get it. I understand how the blues, melancholy ... depression can get the best of you. I have never been tortured, imprisoned or starved. I certainly cannot understand how people like Corrie Ten Boom could endure. Yet, I hear that without a sense of knowing that tomorrow is a new day with new mercies, challenges and possibilities then one loses hope.

 

I have never been in the depth of darkness that would result in wanting to do harm to myself, but I have certainly felt the stresses and pressures of life for so long that there were times when darkness seemed swallow me. Most of us will never experience debilitating life-stressors, but we will have intense stress in our lives: financial, marital, business, family and the list goes on. Too many brush off stress and depression as if it's no big deal.

 

When I think about "brushing things off" it makes me think about my dad. My perception is probably skewed, but he didn't seem to like that my brother and I went to a dermatologist for acne problems. His solution: "Do like I did as a teenager, when you shave, just bleed." 

 

Interesting metaphor don't you think?

 

Another occasion that I recall about stamping down emotions occurred when I was a twelve year old boy and I saw my cousin accidently kill his friend. They were only a few feet from me and I had just turned around and told them to watch where they were pointing their rifles. The next thing I heard was the sound of gunfire. I whirled around and saw the shooter buckling to his knees screaming in total disbelief and anguish that he shot his friend. The victim was  lying on his back with his arms in the air and screaming "You shot me! You shot me!" while the blood began to spread across his chest.

 

That event happened amost 40 years ago, but because of suppressing this  trauma and the emotion,  it contributed  to some problems later in my life. I was never offered counseling to deal with that traumatic event, but I suppose in the early 1970s that counseling was not "acceptable." Family business was NOT to be discussed with strangers.

Let me clarify, I don't blame my parents for not getting me  counseling and it was not just the suppression of this event that contributed to problems in my life. Like many men, I tend to suppress many things. Better to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps than to admit you need help, right?

Most people don't experience tragic events of seeing somone killed, but  everyone deals with intense stress in life.  I read that prolonged stress can lead to depression. I have also read that lawyers are very prone to depression. J.E. (Buddy) Stockwell , the executive director of the Lawyers Assistance Program, Inc. (LAP) wrote:

Lawyers and judges are extremely independent and self-sufficient by nature and it's not in our natures to admit anything that can remotely be perceived as a weakness. Plus, smart lawyers and judges are convinced they can think their way out of all the problems they encounter. Sadly, this is literally killing people in our profession. Every lawyer and judge needs to become more aware of depression and burnout and how “white knuckling” through long periods of anxiety, stress and lower levels of depression can, without warning, crescendo into catastrophic events that take the lawyer by surprise.
 

Buddy says that lawyers and judges consider stress to be a part of the job. We tend to "man- up" and take it. Those who can't take it are not really made for the job.  For any of us who have dealt with prolonged periods of stress/depression, we KNOW that's crap! We are just as smart and capable as many other lawyers, but we have fallen into areas that may require therapy or medical intervention.

 

Don't you think that it's time for shame and guilt over dealing with depression in the legal field (and other professions) stop? I know that revealing stuff like this could cause others to think that you can't "do the job." Not true. Not at all. One must  simply learn to cope in appropriate ways, rather than drinking too much booze, snorting drugs or overworking.

 

I love legal work, but I love my family and friends more. I want to have a healthy, abundant and joyful life. I don't want to act like all is okay just so I can keep the client satisfied and happy. We have to quit hiding the junk that is below the surface of the swamp and dig into the roots of the causes of depression, anxeity and other emotional/mental issues.

 

For just a moment: Imagine  a nasty, stinky swamp; stagnated water with mosquitoes, flies, dead animals, weeds and algae in it. Imagine slogging into  the middle of swamp to pull out the weeds so that the GUNK that has stagnated the water is washed away to allow  fresh water to flow in and out.

 

 

 

At first, you’re thinking the water is too nasty, the stench is too unbearable and the gunk is too much;  but as you roll up your sleeves and reach deep  down and pull out some weeds by the roots, you see roots of ... (you name it...lack of affirmation, abuse, fatherlessness, and the list goes on).

 

Too often we look at the nastiness of the weeds and assume that there is no way to deal with junk underneath. We can. We must. We can no longer act like it's not there.

 

My question to you are:

• How do you deal with stress?
• What hidden issues are you holding on that  are affecting your mental and emotional well-being?
• Do you find that affirming words and encouragement help you to overcome the blues?

 

Send me your thoughts. I guarantee  I will NOT to reveal the source, but we need to help one another slog out of the swamps of depression. If you prefer to write, you can send me your letter to:

Perkins & Associates
401 Market Street, Suite 900
Shreveport, LA 71101

 

I really do want the best for you. If there is anything I can do to help you through a hard time, please let me know. It may be legal, financial, spiritual or emotional.

If you just need a friend to listen, I am very good at that.

It's all confidential.

 

Peace,
Mark Perkins