Christians Must NEVER Show Weakness or Depression

Christians feel guilty about being depressed. They feel they should "know better." This leads to denial, which only makes matters worse. Well-meaning friends, and even pastors, who don’t understand what is going on, encourage them to "snap out of it," and offer advice on "getting their Christian act back together."

But depression isn’t something a person can "snap out of." In the late 1990s and early 2000s several groundbreaking studies brought significant insight into the biology behind depression. In laymen’s terms, these studies showed that some people’s brains simply do not have the capacity to recover from the biological effects of stress and crisis (Kramer, p. 131). This in turn literally shrinks a part of the brain that controls feelings.

The chemicals necessary to maintain level out depression are not sufficient. As a result, one’s mood is affected, and depression eventually can set in. Genetics has a strong impact on a person’s tendency to become depressed. It isn’t a matter of being Christian or not Christian, converted or not converted or saved or not saved. As Dr. Peter Kramer states in his book, Against Depression, when talking about a study focused on twins:

"Even bleak environments elicit depression only in the vulnerable. That a shared environment rarely shows up in the chain of what causes depression pushes a good deal of what we call environment into the background" (ibid., 135).

We all accept the fact that our bodies wear out and run down and are susceptible to disease. We can even accept the fact that our brains can be ravaged by diseases such as Alzheimer’s. But some Christians will not accept the fact that clinical depression also has specific biological causes. They’d rather categorize depression as a "bad attitude" or "lack of faith."

What should you do?

If you suffer from depression, there are some things you can do.

First, find a good professional who can help you, someone who is licensed by the state where you live. They will have credentials like LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor), LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, or a Psy.D. (Psychological Doctorate). When you contact them, ask if they have a specialty. Finding a counselor may feel like an overwhelming task, but it’s extremely important. Admitting that you can’t carry this load on your own is a huge step toward feeling better.

You can check websites such as "The American Association of Christian Counselors" AACC) if you want a Christian counselor. Realize you will have to eventually make a decision; it may never feel "perfect."

Be honest. Therapists are there to help, not condemn. The more you tell them, the more they can help. Sometimes, when you talk with someone who has an objective perspective, it can make the gloom begin to lift.

Sometimes attempts at trying to talk with family, especially a husband or wife, may actually add to their gloominess or depression. Depression affects not just the victim, but also everyone close to him. People who try to help can end up taking the inevitable rejection personally and become upset. It’s not their fault; they simply don’t understand the dynamics of what’s going on. But their reactions can actually make your depression worse. That’s why it’s so important you get a professional, objective perspective.

But what if you see a counselor for several sessions and the cloud doesn’t seem to be lifting?

Clinical depression defined The definition of clinical depression or a major depressive episode as recognized by most clinicians is as follows: "The essential feature of a Major Depressive Episode is a period of at least 2 weeks during which there is either depressed mood or the loss of interest or pleasure in nearly all activities" APA, DSM-IV-TR, pg. 349, 2005). To further clarify this condition, one must experience at least five or more of the following symptoms for at least two weeks to meet the criteria for a Major Depressive Episode. They are: Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty), or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others). Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5 percent of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains. Insomnia or hypersomnia (can’t get out of bed) nearly every day. Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down). Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick). Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others). Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide (ibid., 356). Note: Many clinicians feel that if one has only two or three of these characteristics for an extended period of time, they are still at risk for becoming seriously depressed and should seek help.

To medicate or not medicate…
that is the question

When I went through depression, I believed that working harder, praying more, and serving more would make me feel better. But that simply isn’t true. My therapist told me I was a good candidate for anti-depressant medication, but my primary care doctor disagreed. He felt my mood was situational. When the situations changed, my mood would change.

It probably took me over a two years to must the nerve to see a psychiatrist. In the meantime, I was taking a low dose of Paxil, that apparently "pooped out." I tried testerone patches and shots. I tried some adventurous activities, such as skydiving. Anything to lift the mood.

My therapist wisely explained to me in understandable terms what was going on biologically in my brain, and how the medications would help. It had nothing to do with demons, not being good enough, or not being converted. I was able to understand that I was one of those people who had a vulnerability to depression.

After I began taking the medications, I could not believe how much more energy I had. I was told that I would feel like they would lift the cloud, but I didn't believe...until I was on the medication for less than two weeks.

Soon after getting on the medications, the Summer of 2013 thudded heavily on my head. I was dealing with some issues with aging parents, one who has been diagnosed with "Lou Gehrig's disease." I discovered a staff member was stealing from the firm (not for from any clients). We were in middle of lease negotiations, technology advances and staff changes.

All I can say is that but for the medications, the Summer of 2013 may have sent me over the edge to a the corner of a room in fetal position sucking my thumb. I joke, of course, but I really do wonder how I would have managed.

I still have to talk, and I remain in counseling. I learned that I had been taught some pretty unhealthy ways to think about people and situations.

What about personal spirituality?

In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Jesus understands our dark feelings, our doubt, our discouragement, and yes, even our depression; and his desire is to help us. The level of depression that Jesus suffered on the night before his crucifixion is gut-wrenching and deeply moving. He understands your mood, your struggle. There is NO emotion or temptation that you have suffered that Jesus did not bear.

If you are depressed, there is help for you. It is okay to admit it, and it is okay to get help. Life will still have its ups and downs, but there are options for you if the "downs" last too long.

Don't let anyone tell you that your depression is a weakness that invalidates your walk with Christ.

Multiplied Guilt: Christian Lawyers Who Deal with Depression

“What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?”

A: “A good start.”

 

 

This lawyer joke emphasizes the low public perception of lawyers in today’s society. Not that this is a new trend, but  rising billing rates, frivolous lawsuits and sensational news stories of lawyers behaving poorly degrade the public image of attorneys.

 

I enjoy being lawyer...most of the time. I enjoy reviewing the facts, applying the legal issues to the facts, discovering the truth and negotiating a fair result.  I do NOT enjoy the unprofessional battles that lawyers wage against each other. Law school does not make a person more moral, it just gives him more tools to enhance his personal biases.

 

Billing pressures, deadlines, changing laws, unreasonable client demands, long hours, and other demands all combine to make the practice of law one of the most stressful jobs In America, if not the world. With  rising business pressures, evolving legal technologies and climbing debt from law school or lines of credit because of the economic times, then it’s no wonder that lawyers are stressed.

 

 

Let's be honest, the stress in the job is not discussed, other than to discuss it as a badge of honor or a war wound. We don't discuss it from the terms of whether it is healthy, which it is not, or how we can best endure it. Depression and suicide are common among lawyers and forty-four percent of lawyers recently surveyed by the American Bar Association said they would not recommend the profession to a young person.

 

Some of the following information, which has been partially edited and revised,  was taken from an article by Sheila Blackford in "Law Practice Today" with the American Bar Association's Law Practice Management Section.

 

Additionally, the information on whether a "Christian" should ever get depressed is attributed Mark Mounts, who has  a Masters in Professional Counseling from Liberty University and is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the Houston area.

 

 

Lawyers Must Never Show ANY Weaknesses:

 

It seems if an attorney reveals weaknesses, he may be deemed inadequate or incompetent. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why so many attorneys have so much personal turmoil in their lives.  They keep their own  struggles hidden because of the fear of being stigmatized and ostracized. I have an attorney friend who had a stroke, but kept it quiet because he didn't want people or  his colleagues to gossip. If someone who had a physical ailment is concerned about others, can you imagine how the attorney with depression wants to keep that a secret? Attorneys ACT like they are smarter and more in control than they really are.

A Faithful Christian is Full of Joy and Never Depressed
 

What about the Christian? I have heard for years that Christians shouldn't  “speak negative comments” because demons hear and torment you with your own words. No wonder  so many Christians are screwed up: they don’t share how they are really feeling!

 

The Upside of Chaos

My chaotic year is not quite over, but it’s drawing to an end. I hope.

The world of litigation is already high stress and often times chaotic, but add to that:

1.The death of a family member,

2.    Chairing a national advance conference in California,

3.    Organizing another conference on addictive behaviors (a chaotic subject on its own),

 

4.    Going months without clients paying timely,

5.    Speaking at a conference in Texas on marital issues,

6.    Transitioning with staff leaving and coming,

7.    Training new staff and attorneys,

8.    Moving server into the cloud to better serve our clients,

9.    Discovering that staff member had been stealing from the firm (not clients, Thank God),

It'sTime to Play!

Having passed a mid-Century now, I value play time more than ever. Yes, I said PLAY.  There is just not enough laughter and joy right. I don’t want to become an old grumpy codger complaining about what could have been.

I was reading about the value of play for children, but I wonder how the same arguments may apply to adults? According to a study by Smilansky and Shefatya (1990)during play, children  increase their social competence and emotional maturity.  Play is vital to children’s social development. It enables children to do the following:

•Practice both verbal and nonverbal communication skills by negotiating roles, trying to gain access to ongoing play, and appreciating the feelings of others (Spodek & Saracho, 1998).

•Respond to their peers’ feelings while waiting for their turn and sharing materials and experiences (Sapon-Shevin, Dobbelgere, Carrigan, Goodman, & Mastin, 1998; Wheeler, 2004).

•Experiment with roles of the people in their home, school, and community by coming into contact with the needs and wishes of others (Creasey, Jarvis, & Berk, 1998; Wheeler, 2004).

•Experience others’ points of view by working through conflicts about space, materials, or rules positively (Smilansky & Shefatya, 1990; Spodek & Saracho, 1998).

Okay so what’s the point with adults? We have things to do, bills to pay and places to go. We don’t have time to play.  Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist in California,  s hooked on playing. He made his office in a treehouse in Carmel Valley, Calif.

As I think about the value of play for children, I wonder how many old-farts may have forgotten that:

1.    We have lost how to negotiate effectively. We just to win.

2.    We have lost empathy for others.

3.    We take ourselves and positions way too seriously.

4.    We grab and demand what we want when we want.

 

Brown  wrote the book “Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul “(Penguin, $24.95). Find regular time to play — or else, he warns in his new book.  The opposite of play isn't work, he adds, but depression. During his 40-year career, Brown looked into the lives of those simmering to a boil without play time. He  worries  many adults are not finding time to play now as the economy forces them to work harder in offices with smaller staffs, then head home to help with chores and rest before starting it all over again. He writes that when we are in peril, "the drive to play will disappear."

This year of 2013 has been quite difficult. From my fahter’s long term girlfriend dying to my stepfather being diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. I have been through problems with employee theft, transitioning my office and staff. I have made changes in the way we conduct work and I have been through some serious bouts of depression. Without the time for pleasurable activities, I would probably be in the corner of room in fetal position sucking my thumb.