Five Things to Look for When a Man Says He’s Repentant

 

In practicing law for over 25 years, I have seen the worst and best in human behavior. It's strange and sad how people can become so vindictive over money while others become strong through the process. I often struggle over how to encourage my clients to get beyond the primacy and recency of the pain, anger and depression of the battle.

 

The client who has been wronged has reason to seek justice and fair compensation, but be careful  not lose perspective in the process. What does it profit to gain the whole world, but lose one's soul?

 

When my client has done the wrong, she must consider how to make amends, not just by financial means but in ways that are actively purposeful. I have seen people, including myself, "caught" in bad behaviors who want to make excuses or blame others. Blame and deflection may appease the guilt for a moment, but it does nothing for the deeply rooted soul issues.

 

The following is taken from an article by Joe Dallas, who provides some insights on things to "look for" if someone is genuinely repentant and  signs that she is "getting better."  I like Mr. Dallas's points, but I caution not to be too rigid and demanding if you don't see each point being achieved. It's not a very gracious person who expects all the "shoulds" to be met quickly. There is no litmus test and GRACE must be paramount; however, a desire for change is evidence of  true repentance.

 

The following are some things that "should" be seen, but be careful that you don't "should" on your partner:

 

1. Action

Concrete steps to distance himself from certain behaviors.  If internet porn was the problem, he’ll get a block, a filter, an online accountability device or he’ll get off the computer altogether. If she had an affair, you’ll see her  distance herself once and for all from the other party. Concrete action is mandatory if trust is to be rebuilt.

 

2. Attitude

Humility and zeal, rather than resentment on for having to take the steps, are evident.  There will instead be the reasonable humility of the Prodigal Son who said, in essence, “I know things can’t be the same right now, not after what I’ve done. But let me be in relationship with you anyway, and I’ll do what’s necessary to restore our bond.” (Luke 15: 18-21). On the other hand, if the attitude is flippant about "What's the big deal?" then you are not seeing one truly repentant.

 

3. Accountability

There ought to be  specific times regularly to give  an account to a third party about handling temptations. He won’t scoff at this because he’ll realize that, left to  his own devices, he’s too susceptible. Accountability is a must. Often times a slip can be a way to learn where she can check to see if there are "chinks in the armor."

 

4. Awareness

You’ll see a growing awareness on the pain she has caused you, along with a growing appreciation of your forgiveness and love. She’ll realize that her ongoing recovery and sanctification are not all about her. The union between  you makes you both vulnerable to ups and downs in ways one can barely imagine.

 

5. Aspiration

 

You’ll see your spouse  aspire to be more intimate with God in devotional life.  Failure can be a terrific textbook, teaching us  about weakness and potential.

 

 

As you consider if the person who has wronged you is doing these things, keep in mind God will call you to look at yourself also. It may be time to examine these areas of your own life that may need correcting. Prayerfully  watch as God does the redemptive work of  causing grace to “much more abound” where there was sin (Romans 5:20) and turn what was meant for evil into good.

What Can You Say When Tragedy Strikes?

Several years ago a friend lost her precious daughter at the hands of her estranged ex-husband. He essentially kidnapped his daughter, killed her and caused "suicide-by-cop." It was a horrendous event in which NO WORDS could help.

I recall very vividly that my wife and I went to visit the mother at her home. She was sitting on the couch numb, in shock. I prepared to say...nothing. No matter how eloquent I could try, I knew that words fall flat. They are trite.

Instead, I walked over to her and sat on the coffee table directly in front of her and I held her hand. I didn't say anything. I just held her hand. That's all. I loved her and I listenened and I said ... nothing.

What words are effective in this time? Perhaps, words from a pastor or president they would have meaning,  but from the common layperson, it is best to be quiet. BE there, but be QUIET.

Shhh.  Even now, take a moment and listen.

Just listen.

I will end this blog with a few words that may be of comfort, not to the parents and family of those who have experienced a tragic loss, but to the rest of us in the Christmas Season of 2012. Those of us who have an understanding of grace but still grapple with evil of this world may draw some rest to our souls.

These are not my words, but words shared with me by an author unknown.

Perhaps, they will bring some small comfort to you as they did to me.

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear, but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Once again, now let there be silence.

Doc Says Lawyer Pulling a Fast One (by David Lee)

 The following was reported by David Lee in the DALLAS  Court News. Clearly, the doctors and chiropractors who have "standing agreements" with plaintiff's attorneys need to reevaluate their position.

 

A doctor claims in court that an attorney who owes him $148,000 in fees had him falsely arrested, and sends him $250 checks marked as "Full and final settlement," for bills that actually run into the thousands.    Dr. Sameer Fino sued Stephen W. Shoultz in Dallas County Court.

 

     Fino claims he sees Shoultz's clients under a "long standing agreement," and gets paid when each case settles or when final judgment is collected. He says Shoultz often asked him to reduce his fees to accommodate a settlement.     "Dr. Fino would agree to the reduction in fees, however, on a number of occasions, he was not paid the amount that was agreed to in writing," the complaint states.

 

     "Instead, attorney Schoultz would consistently send a check for a nominal amount such as $250 which read 'Full and final settlement,' even in cases in which Dr. Fino would testify at attorney Schoultz's request. These checks were not cashed."

 

     Fino claims Schoultz sent him such a check for a $2,800 fee that he later agreed to reduce to $1,400. He says he was shocked when he received a copy of a disbursement sheet that Shoultz provided to the patient/client for that case.     "The disbursement sheet given to the client fraudulently showed that Dr. Fino had been paid the $1,400 he had agreed to reduce his fee to, not the $250 that the check was made out for," the complaint states.

 

    Fino claims Shoultz owes him more than $148,000 in unpaid fees.     He also complains that Shoultz contacted him on Feb. 18, 2011, about a trial that required his testimony that was set to begin in four days.      Fino says he told Shoultz he would be out of town, yet Shoultz caused a trial subpoena to be delivered to him on Feb. 21, 2011.

 

     "Dr. Fino was not personally served with the subpoena, and did not see it prior to the time for trial," the complaint states.      "On or about February 23, 2011, Dr. Fino was arrested at his clinic, and taken out of there in front of his patients, for an alleged failure to attend the trial pursuant to the subpoena, and taken before the judge to determine if he would be jailed for contempt."      Fino claims that Shoultz caused a capias writ to be entered by the court, resulting in his arrest.

 

     He says that though he was not jailed, his medical practice was disrupted and he was "highly embarrassed" to be taken away by deputy sheriffs.

 

     Fino seeks actual and punitive damages for breach of contract, money had and received, fraud, unjust enrichment, abuse of process, malicious prosecution and gross negligence.     He is represented by Angela Norris, with Kennedy & Minshew, of Sherman.

 

 

I  have tremendous respect for medical doctors in general. All I want is an honest answer of whether trauma caused the condition, the reasonable expenses to resolve it and the prognosis. It seems to me that these two characters apparently had something going on and I am not sure who is worse than the other.

 

 

 

Nostalgic Shreveport

I have lived in Shreveport for over 25 years, longer than any other place I have ever lived. So I guess I can say this my hometown. Not to say that I don't still love Northeast Louisiana, because I do. It's just that we raised our daughters here and my career has been here in Shreveport.

 

As you know, I was a prosecutor for several years. The last case I tried was the first case in which DNA evidence was used in Caddo Parish. It seems so common place now, but at the time, it was "cutting edge" science that only FBI Crime lab was analyzing. Today, with so many advances in sciences, practically every regional crime lab does DNA analysis.

 

Northwest Louisiana is where our children went to school at A.C. Steere, Caddo Middle Magnet and C.E.Byrd High School. We attended church at First Baptist Bossier, Summer Grove and now, The Simple Church.

 

We have lived on both sides of the Red River. I am licensed to practice law on both sides of the Louisiana-Texas border. We have played on Cross Lake and the Red River. I have worked in downtown and the suburbs. We have spent many hours walking through Betty Virginia Park and the Boardwalk.

 

As we get close to the Thanksgiving Holidays, with the Turkey Trot, and so many other traditional events, I am nostalgic. Recently, I was sent several nostalgic pictures of Shreveport and northwest Louisiana. I hope you enjoy them.

 

First Baptist Bossier when it was downtown

                             

1930's Texas Avenue

Early 1920's Texas Avenue



Sears in Downtown Shreveport



    

1950's Shreveport

 1950's Shreveport was a hotbed of racial tension and  civil rights advocacy. You may recall that Woolworth's was often the site where African Americans would attempt to eat at the lunch counter. Although this era is a  blight on the history of the United States and Shreveport, we need to remember it. We need to ensure that civil rights are protected. If you have not been to the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Tennessee (where Martin Luther King was assassinated), you need to make it a priority in the next six months.

 

Let's give thanks for where we are and the strides we have made from the years past. Let's give thanks for who we are and where we are going.

California’s new “change therapy” law bans any counseling to help people overcome same-sex attraction!

The ban is an overreaching government intrusion into the personal decisions of parents and their children in obtaining meaningful counseling. The one-sided law mandates that counselors present just one view – that “same-sex attractions are normal and desirable.”  The new law puts Christian counselors in jeopardy of losing their licenses to practice!
 

The Liberty Counsel* has filed  an emergency lawsuit in federal court seeking to block the implementation of the law. Because California is influential in legal matters, the outcome will ultimately affect every state in the Union. The law assumes that the state knows what’s best for children regarding sensitive counseling concerning same-sex attractions.


Under all counseling licensing codes, clients have the right to “self-determination.” A Christian has the right to seek Christian counseling and has the right to prioritize Christian and moral values on sexuality over unwanted same-sex attractions.
 

But under California’s SB 1172, counselors will be forced to disregard their clients’ religious beliefs…or change them. If counselors obey the law, they will violate existing ethical codes because they will be forced to overrule their clients’ right to self-determination.  If counselors provide counsel or referral to clients seeking to eliminate or manage same-sex sexual attractions, they will violate the new law.
 

Christian counselors will lose their licenses no matter what they do!

 

Even worse, the lives of many young people and their families will be adversely impacted under this law. California is demanding that counselors disregard their client’s religious or moral beliefs – or change them! Minor clients will suffer irreparable harm, because they will no longer be able to receive the kind of counseling they have chosen, even though they are greatly benefiting from it.

 

Imagine a young boy sexually molested by the likes of a Jerry Sandusky. Suppose he develops low self-esteem and gender confusion because of this horrible trauma. He begins to experience same-sex attractions but does not want to act on them and does not want to identity as being a homosexual.

The parents of this boy are Christian and believe homosexuality is wrong and harmful. Under SB 1172, the only counseling they will be able to secure for their confused son will only confuse him more!

SB 1172 will force counselors to tell this young boy he should not worry about his confused feelings because same-sex attractions are good and normal. “Don’t worry about these same-sex attractions. Instead, you need to modify your religious and moral beliefs!”

I know this is political hot-button that most people don't want to face. Sadly, the church has either taken the stance that men and women struggling with any form of attraction to the same gender are an abomination OR the church embraces the open lifestyles of anyone. Trust me, I have seen this from personal experiences. There is one other response by the church: Ignore it.

ATA Joins Fight Against 'Sex Trade' Trafficking of Young Girls

10/8/2012
By TruckingInfo Staff

LAS VEGAS - The American Trucking Associations says it has joined with Truckers Against Trafficking to alert member executives and drivers about the "sex trade" and train them to help fight against the crime.

"There are over 3.1 million truck drivers who travel over 408 billion miles each year," said ATA Chairman Dan England, chairman of C.R. England Inc., Salt Lake City, during a press conference at ATA's Management Conference and Expo in Las Vegas over the weekend.

"We are asking our motor carriers to include this important information in their training programs and to work with their customers and communities to help combat the problem.

"These professionals are the eyes and ears of the nation's highways, and with knowledge and guidance, they can make a big difference and save lives."

ATA and TAT want drivers to report suspicious activity they may see at truckstops, rest areas and other places along interstate and main highways, said England and others who spoke at the press conference.

They can call a toll-free number or, better yet, punch 911 on their cell phones if they see people apparently in distress and needing immediate help, said Lt. Karen Hughes, who heads a task force of the Las Vegas Metro Police Department.

"It's OK to be wrong" when making a call -- better than not calling and letting a girl remain in bondage, said Paul Enos of the Nevada Trucking Association.

Most victims are young teenage girls, typically 12 to 14 years of age, Hughes said. Often they are runaways from dysfunctional homes who are enticed into the trade, then trapped in it.

They are frequently moved by their handlers - pimps - to keep them from forming relationships with people who might help them.

"One hundred and thirty-one were rescued by our unit in 2011," she said. "That included two boys."

The Department of Justice estimates between 100,000 and 300,000 children are at risk every year to traffickers in the United States and that many children, teens and young women are sold into the sex trade.

"Traffickers are continually moving their victims from place to place, for a variety of reasons, along our nation's highways and roads," said Kendis Paris, national director of Truckers Against Trafficking.

"They 'sell' their victims at truckstops, travel plazas and rest stops, because they're convenient; transient populations frequent them who are less likely to 'rescue' the victims; they have to use them anyway to buy gas and eat; and it's easy money and a good way to break in their victims for other things."

A number of ATA affiliates already work closely with TAT, including state trucking associations in California, Colorado, Idaho, Minnesota, Nevada and Wisconsin, the national group said.

TAT provides a number of resources for the industry, including a wallet card with guidelines and a telephone number to call. They provide a training DVD, webinars and other outreach materials.

The national trafficking hotline number is 1-888-373-7888, or in easier to remember form, 888-3737-888.

TAT is a 501(c)3 organization dedicated to educating, equipping, empowering and mobilizing the trucking industry to fight human trafficking. Its resources include a website, a trucking-industry-specific training DVD, webinars, posters, and speakers/trainers. More information is available at www.truckersagainsttrafficking.com.


For more information about sex trafficking in Louisiana and Shreveport, see prior posts on the subject. You will be shocked at the statistics for Louisiana.

"It's better to be more interested than interesting"

Do you remember the Billy Crystal segment on SNL years ago as Fernando Lamas: "It's better to rook good than to feel good."  Well, that advice may not be the best, but in attempting to make contacts and influence people there is something to be said about "It's better to be more interested than interesting."

 

As we move into the "conference season" there will be plenty of opportunities to make contacts, but believe it  or not, lawyers struggle with "ego." They tend to "toot their horn" much more than they take an interest in the client. Consider the advice of Scott Dinsmore, contributor to Forbes Magazine, in "The Seven Pillars of Connecting With Absolutely Anyone"  that "interested people" are set apart.

 

His finding are simple and just about any lawyer can do them.  Dinsmore points out, "I don’t care what your goals, industry or interests are, there’s no getting around it: Personal relationships run the world." 

 

 1. Be genuine. The only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about; the world will see through anything short of that. If you don’t have a genuine interest in the person, then stop trying.

 

2. Provide massive help. Even the biggest and most powerful people in the world have something they’d like help with. Too many people never reach out to those above them due to the fear that they wouldn’t be able to offer anything in return. But you have more to offer than you realize. You may write an article about them, share their project with your community, and offer to spread their message through a video interview with them. 

 

Are you getting the point here? It's NOT about you! Give real thought on how you can  benefit their goals. If it turns out you can’t be that helpful, at least you made genuine gesture.

 

3. Pay ridiculous attention. If you don’t pay attention -- genuine attention -- then how can you expect to be of service? Do your research by reading blog posts, books and articles about the connection beforehand. Learn about their backgrounds and passions. Invest genuine time in learning what really matters to them and how you can help.

 

4. Connect with people close to them. You arrive with credibility when referred by a mutual friend to someone you want to meet. Spend more time connecting with your current network of friends and colleagues and see where it leads.

 

Have you ever been to an event, where you are talking to someone and then he  sees someone "more important" and snubs you? That person will never get a recommendation from me. Be sure you don't make the same mistake by snubbing someone you think is less important.

 

 5. Persistence wins.  The first attempt is just the very beginning. Realize that the first try may get you nowhere, but the fifth or the tenth tries are the ones that start to yield results. An unreturned email or voicemail doesn’t mean they don’t want to connect with you. It’s your job to be persistent! Usually only about 2 percent of the initial contacts ever follow up. Don’t be in a hurry, but don’t be invisible either.

 

6. Make real friends. Think about how you’ve made the friends you have. That’s all this is. You only make friends with people you genuinely want in your life. I have learned this lesson from Dirk Beckwith from Michigan. Dirk and I met several years ago as we served on an ethics panel at the annual Transportation Lawyers Association. I like Dirk. He is easy to chat with and there is no "hard sale." He doesn't over think it. He enjoys getting to know people and spending time with them, even if it's not a client contact.

 

Be human, be helpful and most people will happily be human in return, regardless of who they are.

 

7. Remain unforgettable. This doesn't mean being  an obnoxiously loud, overbearing "know it all."  Instead do the memorable things such as send birthday cards. Mail your favorite book with a signed personal note from you on the inside flap.

Be genuinely helpful. You’d be surprised how the simplest things actually never get done. Being memorable isn’t as hard as some think!" I recently made a  note that one of my clients is particularly interested in the Louisiana Brown Pelican so I am on the lookout for an interesting picture or token. 

 

Also, many of our clients appreciate the pralines or coffee that we send them. It's just a way to be set apart, but all of that is completely for nothing  if we don't genuinely care.  The world is run by relationships... yes, even today!

 

I think I get most bothered when I lose a client that I have fostered a friendship, but there are many reasons that this can happen and none of them may be because of a relationship problem.

 

I would prefer to make the effort of developing a relationship and caring about the client's interests than just having a client because of the short-term gain of a few dollars.  The lawyer that gets this will certainly have an easier time practicing law... and actually making a good living at it.

Not to mention being happier... relationships make our lives richer!

 

 

Law-speak Translated...

Even if a legal professional may be lucky enough to speak with a client in the native language of the client, the attorney tends to use a special set of words unique to the profession.

 

 

Experienced professionals who have grown comfortable using the words of the profession might want to think about whether they are using words not commonly used by non-professionals.

 

 

For example, a real estate attorney might use specific real estate words, easement, etc. unfamiliar to many. Patent attorneys speak a rather unusual language even though it is English. They use words like "prosecution". Most clients unfamiliar with patents, think of prosecution as what a prosecutor does but no, in the patent specialty arena, it refers to the events that occur between filing and issuing a patent application between the government agency and the patent attorney.

 

 

The first step in building a good relationship with a client is recognizing that the professional, particularly an experienced one, uses words that are quite often unfamiliar to their client. The second step is to translate those words into words the client is comfortable with using, without misrepresenting any facts, timelines, or details that are materially important to serving the client.

 

 

Recognizing the special language spoken by the attorney, and tuning that vocabulary to communicate on the same level as the client, is critical to the success of the attorney/client relationship. By recognizing differences in vocabulary the attorney can build from a common basis with a client. That common basis is fundamental to building a trust relationship that can last for decades.

 

 

The following are examples of lawyer speak translated to common vernacular:

 

Simple Ain't Easy...

For five years, the Simple Church has been in existence but it had been the dream of the senior pastor, Justin Haigler for over 15 years.

 

I encourage you to listen to the podcast from this past Sunday (September  2, 2012). If it doesn't cause some stir in your heart, you may be dead.

 

I am glad to have been involved since the beginning. I look forward to what is going to happen in the next five years and beyond. Already, I have been stretched beyond my wildest imagination and I know there is so much more on the horizon.

 

If you are interested in attending a church that is completely different from anything you can imagine, check out www.thesimplechurch.tv .

 

Designated by the simplicity even in our name, The Simple Church exists for those of us who are tired of religion getting in the way of knowing who God is. We exist to make a place for all walks of life to come together for support, relationships, help, and most importantly, to answer questions about a God who loves us.

 

We have a very simple philosophy, love God and love people. We do not judge here. We “simply” say, come as you are. No more red tape to get to God. It’s simple here, because that is who we are.

 

Lifegroups will start next week. For more information about them, you can check them out. I am particularly interested in some of the support groups. One or two are particularly intriguing, but I would like to know your thoughts about some of the groups offered.

 

Feel free to share any comments or concerns you have about the Simple Church, its mission, philosophy or life groups. I wonder if there will be as much backlash from this post as there was about "bullying." I hope so!

 

Just wait until I start blogging about homosexuality, Christianity and the Church. That will surely bring out the crazies on all sides! 

E-mail Overload?

Debtor’s Rights!

The economy is pretty tight  right right now and you may be behind in making payments so you’re getting those calls from debt collectors.

You may not be aware, but federal laws set down a specific set of rules that third-party debt collectors must follow when contacting you about a debt. Debts covered under this law includes auto loans, medical bills and credit card bills.

The following are TEN important rules that a debt collector must follow when contacting you about an unpaid bill.

No early morning or late night calls.

A debt collector may not call you before 9 a.m. or after 8 p.m. unless you agree to the call. Whatever debt you may owe, you still have the right to a quiet morning and a quiet evening. So if debt collector tries to reach you early in the morning or late in the evening, politely refuse the call.

No calls at work, once you request it.

Debt collectors may not contact you at work if they know your employer disapproves of such calls. So make it clear to a debt collector straight away that calls at work are unacceptable.

No repeated or continuous calls.

Debt collectors may not harass you by calling numerous times a day about an unpaid bill. 

No verbal abuse.

A debt collector may not use threatening or profane language when contacting you about a debt. A debt collector may not falsely imply that you have committed a crime by failing to pay a bill. Recently, I received a call on my cell phone from a creditor who was attempting to collect a debt from someone else. I told him he had the wrong number and that I did not know the person. He kept asking me questions and I finally told him to stop asking me questions or I would report the call. He got testy with me and said "Who are you going to call? If you don’t answer my questions, I will not remove your number from our list." That is verbal abuse!

No informing friends, neighbors, co-workers, or family members about a debt.

A debt collector may contact people that know you, but only to find out your address, your phone number, and where you work. In most cases, a debt collector may not tell anyone other than you or your attorney that you owe money.

The Last Eleven Days of Abraham Lincoln

I just finished reading "Killing Lincoln by Bill O'Reilly and Martin Dugard. I have read many books about the assassination of President Lincoln. This  one approaches the tragedy from the last few weeks of Lincoln's life. Beginning with final days of the siege of Petersburg to the surrender at Appomattox and the final weeks of the conspiracy leading up to his tragic death. I highly recommend it.

The siege at Petersburg lasted nine and a half months. 70,000 casualties, the suffering of civilians, thousands of U. S. Colored Troops fighting for the freedom of their race, and the decline of Gen. Robert E. Lee's Army of No. Virginia all describe the Siege of Petersburg. It was here Gen. Ulysses S. Grant cut off all of Petersburg's supply lines ensuring the fall of Richmond on April 3, 1865.


Six days later, Lee surrendered.

Eleven days later, Abraham Lincoln was shot on Good Friday, April 14, 1865 at 10:15 p.m. by John Wilkes Booth, but he did not pass away into death until the early morning of Saturday, April 15.

The following, from pages 229-230 of "Killing Lincoln" , reveals how fragile life is. For all that anyone may accomplish in life, death is only heartbeat away. This is very poetic, descriptive prose of the soul  and death of Abraham Lincoln.

"The human brain is the most complex structure in all the world’s biology, a humming and whirring center of thought, speech, motor, movement, memory and thousands of other minute functions. It is protected on the outside by the skull and then by a layer of connective tissues membranes that form a barrier between the hard bone of the cranium and the gelatinous, soft tissue of the brain itself. Lincoln’s brain, in which a Nelaton’s probe (a long porcelain, pencil-like instrument) is now being inserted in hopes of finding a bullet, contains vivid memories of a youth spent on the wild American frontier. This brain dazzled with clarity and brilliance during great political debates. It struggled with war and the politics of being president, then devised and executed solutions to the epic problems of the times. It imagined stirring speeches that knit the country together, then made sure that the words, when spoken, were uttered with exactly the right cadence, enunciation, and pitch. It guided those long slender fingers as they signed the Emancipation Proclamation, giving four million slaves their freedom. In side his brain, Lincoln imagined the notion of "One country, one destiny." And this brain is also the reservoir of Lincoln’s nightmares – particularly the one in which, just two weeks earlier, he envisioned his own assassination.

Now, thanks to a single round metal ball no bigger than a marble, Lincoln’s brain is finished. He is brain-dead."

Boston - Summer of 2012

This summer was really busy with  trip to Austin, mediations, speaking to LCA Annual Convention, preparing for depositions, jury trials and taking some time to visit David and Jessica Elston in Boston.

Rules for Business Lunches

Lunch with a client, potential business partner or new colleague can often be more productive than an office meeting. Getting out of the office and off the phone creates an environment more conducive to relaxing and candid conversation.

Get the Invitation Right

When inviting someone to lunch, be respectful of his or her time and position. If inviting a superior you don’t know well, don’t risk being presumptuous–you might opt for suggesting coffee instead.

Who Chooses the Spot?

If you’re inviting, offer up some suggestions and let your guests pick. If they don’t care, it’s on you.  You don’t want to bring a vegetarian to a steakhouse. If inviting someone to discuss next year’s budget cuts, best to skip the meal at the most expensive restaurant in town.

If your guest choses the place, don’t forget to compliment her on the choice.

Time & Place

Get there early. Always know the set-up of the restaurant and make sure both the venue and your table are right for your objective.

Some people suggest that if the meeting is  a celebratory or casual lunch with people you knows well, get a a table in a central area, closer to the bar, where it’s typically more boisterous. If it’s a serious conversation and you need get something accomplished, look  for a quiet table in the corner.

When to Talk Business

Don’t bring up business until you have received your drinks and ordered your meals. Then, when business talk commences, frame the conversation around your guest. Ask about her business, what she’s working on and where she needs help. This will give you a clear understanding of context and provide a transition into explaining how you and might be of assistance.

Drinking?

If your company is paying, you should probably skip the alcohol. If your client wants to imbibe, let him order a drink. A good rule of thumb is to let your guests order first, so they’re not inhibited by your choice.

Handling the Bill

There is an art to handling the bill. You want to be graceful about it. When the check arrives, be nimble and reach for it swiftly–but keep looking your clients in the eye if they’re speaking.

Don’t stare at the line items with anything like shock or horror!  On the othher hand, if there’s an error with the bill, excuse yourself to talk to the waiter separately without making your guest feel uncomfortable.

When it’s time to pay, don’t disrupt the conversation, but make eye contact with the waiter so that he picks up your credit card quickly.

Turn Off Your Phone

Let me say it again, Turn off your phone!  Now is not the time to be checking your incoming email or texting your colleague. I’ve seen some people pick up their phones between courses instead of talking to others at the table. Turn off your phone. 

When To End the Meeting

Be sure to limit it to about an hour, but be flexible to the client's interests. If she wants to visit a little longer that is fine, but don't forget your other responsibilites at the office. The business lunch should never last more than 1 1/2 hours. If it appears to be prolonged, excuse yourself by acknowledging how enjoyable the lunch was and that you would like to get back to the client at another time. Get a specific date/time if possible.