For more details about local allegations of bullying, please check out the updated and revised previous post on the report and the response in bullying by a local private school.
The allegations of failing to respond are reported as being "utterly false."
In the meantime, let me continue the discussion of bullying in general. School bullying is a serious epidemic. As of 2010, 45 U.S. states have adopted anti-bullying measures. But bullying at schools continues. Educators and parents must work together to spread the message that bullying hurts everyone. And schools needs to continue to employ measures to educate families, educate staff, set standards and intervene to reduce bullying in schools.
Some schools are instituting programs for intervention and prevention of social bullying. Bullying is defined by the Health Resources and Services Administration as “aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength.” This bullying behavior is often repeated over time.
Speak up. You really don't have to tolerate the abuse any longer!
No matter the threats and bullying attempts to intimidate speaking out, speak up.
Some of you may have read books by Frank Peretti, the author of "This Present Darkness" and other Christian fiction. However, you may not be aware that Mr. Peretti was the victim of bullying as a child. I would recommend reading his book "The Wounded Spirit," the true story of his experiences in being bullied as a child.
In urging help for the wounded, Mr. Peretti says:
"Speak up. You really don't have to tolerate the abuse any longer.
"So by now you should be ready to do something.
"Yes, it's going to take the right attitude on the part of the boss, the teacher, the parent, the principal or whoever is responsible for the school or work environment. They have to care. They have to be approachable. But you may have to take the first step, at least be ready to respond when you see the opportunity to bring the abuse to the attention of the proper authorities."
Let me give you personal story of how bullying was "addressed" when I was in junior high. I had a friend who had moved from Texas to Louisiana. He was well-liked by the girls, but he was new the school so there were a lot of guys who didn't like that he was liked by the girls. He would regularly get into fights because of this.
If he continued to get into fights, he would be expelled. One time between classes he ran over to my locker angrily crying and asked me to help him because if he got into another fight, he would be expelled. He stood there with his lip bleeding. NOT ONE teacher approached us and asked what was happening.
I told him I would walk with him to the principal to report what was going on. While we walked down the hallway crowded with students and teachers, a mob of bullies followed us taunting him. NOT ONE teacher interjected.
As we walked to the end of the hall to take the steep steps down the first floor, one of the bullies pushed my friend and he almost stumbled down the steps. I reacted spontaneously and fiercely by turning around and grabbing by the shirt collar the bully who pushed him. I threw that bully down the steps (I was suddenly terrified that he would hit the wall at the end of the landing). As he was sprawled out on the landing, surprised that anyone would stand up to him, I stood over him and said "Touch him again and I will beat your ass!"
I was not a fighter, but something rose up in me to see justice done. I was angry that these boys would bully my friend and try to get him expelled. I was angry that not a single teacher stood up for him and stopped the jerks from taunting him. I was enraged that these bullies tried to push him down the stairs.
How do you suppose the school's administration handled this?
Did they expel the boys for starting a fight?
Did they call them in for punishment?
NO! I
Instead, I was told that although my actions were noble that I deserved punishment. I was paddled for standing up to the bullies!
Not only was I chastised by the administration, I was also stalked for a week with threats of being beaten up by one of the bullies.
NOTHING was done by the teachers or administration to intercede for the victims of bullying. You may consider it "no big deal" or that "boys will be boys." Perhaps you have seen that schools DO look into these issues, but often times it depends on WHO is the bully and WHO is the victim. I would like to think that schools have a zero-tolerance regardless of WHO does the bullying. However, what if the bully is a star athlete or the child of a prominent donor? What do you think happens in those situations?
Consider reading Frank Peretti's book and consider how even the smallest kindness and gentle response can have enormous impact. Over and over and over again, Frank was bullied. On one occasion he had deodorant sprayed in his face inside local grocery store, but he didn't tell the store owner about the incident. WHY?
"You may well ask why I didn't report the incident to Vern, the man who owned the store. Looking back, I can only wonder the same. It must have had something to do with the devious power of that old maxim that has protected the bullies for generations: You don't snitch.
...
"A few days later, I faithfully and obediently stepped through the big, ominous door for another hour of Boy's Hell. My despair must have been showing. One of the teachers paused -- he actually took just a moment -- and spoke quietly to me. "How you doing? You feeling okay"
"I looked at him in disbelief. Somebody in authority was actually asking about me, and he seemed genuinely concerned! He wasn't even my teacher.
...
"But the gentle tone of his voice did something to me: It gave me just tiniest, years-in-coming ray of hope, something I'd never felt before. Somebody really wanted to know how I was doing? Somebody might really listen? I grabbed onto that hope for all I was worth, and then, suddenly, an idea came to me. I didn't think I could express myself orally to a teacher who still intimidated me, but by now, I knew I could write. I decided to write the gym teacher a letter. I would tell him everything. Maybe things could change
...
"Well Mr. Sampson had obviously read my letter. Now what? He didn't seem very angry. Who else had seen the letter? What if he wanted to read the letter in front of the other guys in the locker room? Oh Lord, this is it. Please don't let me down.
...
"Mr. Sampson didn't say anything as he filled out the form on his ever-present clipboard. He just smiled at me.
"When he handed me my class transfer, my parole....
"I can't overstate the pivotal nature of that day in my life. From that moment onward, everything was different. I could enjoy school. I could excited being a Cleveland Eagle. ..."
It is amazing how simple words of kindness and an attitude of understanding can empower the individual. Since I have posted my concerns, I have been accused of fomenting lies and addressing publicly what should be addressed privately.
The following are some idea on how to effectively and proactively address bullying:
- Form a committee or task force comprised of educators, education assistants, parents and students to define and develop a program to address bullying.
- Construct a definition of bullying including physical, verbal and cyber-bullying. Establish rules and clear consequences for violations of these rules. Identify goals for the task force such as increasing awareness of bullying, creating a no-tolerance policy, creating clear and consistent standards to apply to all members of the school community, and promoting a safe school environment for all people
.
- Educate school staff on how to identify, manage or diffuse aggressive behavior. Familiarize school staff on the rules pertaining to bullying and the clear consequences for violations. .
- Create a safe environment for students to report bullying or aggressive behavior. Develop a peer mentoring program and establish a peer mentoring group comprised of student leaders. Enable these students to work with and reach out to other students who might be struggling. Teach students conflict resolution without the use of negative verbal or physical response. Advocate students to identify and disengage from disrespectful behavior, which is a gateway to bullying.
- Monitor the overall program at regular intervals. Provide counseling and protection for targeted youth. Establish counseling opportunities for students who are bullying others. Punishment for breaking the rules is imperative but so is coaching and counseling. Continue to reinforce positive behaviors.
- Actively participate in larger forums focused on the prevention of school bullying. Continue to communicate openly and clearly with your immediate school environment, your district and your state board of education.
- Ask parents to actively participate in their students' use of social media. Ask parents to partner with you to educate their children on acceptable and unacceptable behavior regarding disrespectful or unkind actions including messaging and photos on social networking sites.
Sadly, sometimes when efforts are made privately very little changes.
What's the old saying about what happens when a good remains silent?
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