Many People Report Being a Bully and Being Bullied

What firestorm of opinions surrounding this topic!

Simply by  re posting what my friend alleged about his son, I have received e-mails, phone calls and replies to my blog post both in support and against my points. Interestingly, I have had many people make comments about "what really happened." How would they know any more than I know that what my friend posted is actually true. I know him and I tend to believe him, but he could have overreacted and misunderstood.

Yet, no one (except me) is staying this may have been  a misunderstanding. They are saying this did NOT happen and they are giving me information that could only come from someone at the school. None of us were there.

For all of the people who have denied that this incident occurred or that this school doesn't tolerate bullying, I have heard as many that bullying HAS occurred at this school. My point is not necessarily to point out that THIS school allowed bullying to occur, but to say that bullying DOES occur and that all to often, it is glossed over.

No one seems to address my points about bullying. Regardless of the facts (or the interpretation of the facts) in this situation, what about all of the other points I have tried to bring out about bullying? Why are those points glossed over, disregarded and discounted by the emphatic denial of the allegations in this situation?

It's a fact that bullying occurs. It's a fact that it is routinely disregarded. It is ALSO a fact that some schools take it seriously and respond appropriately. I would love to hear about those occurrences.

Now moving away from THIS situation involving a local school and private individual, let me address some comments made by others about bullying. These situations DO NOT involve any local schools or anyone in north Louisiana, but these are real situations that have occurred.

From Cindy:

I was both bullied and became a bully.

Bullied - I was in grade school and was bullied by two high school girls separately. Overcoming? - I stood up for myself and in one case fought back and won and it stopped and I never consciously thought about it again in the context of being bullied until you asked.

Bully - It was just one semester in grade 9 with one specific girl. Why? - I think that fighting back gave me a feeling I liked and I felt powerful and gained a reputation but carried it too far because my hormones were out of control. I was a hurting abused kid. I was living in fear at home and terrified to start high school. I thought the girl I bullied had everything I wanted and didn't have in life. How I overcame? I realized one day that I was hurting and making her hurt and I felt bad so I stopped.

Thankfully I have repented of all this after I came to Christ. I do feel really bad still though because someone told me years later that she went home and cried every day after school. I pray God heals any hurts I caused in her life!

From Vee:

I wasn't so much bullied in primary school as I was teased.
I guess I was just the 'different kid'. I stuttered, had 'ticks' (the things people with tourettes get you know?), and our school just generally sucked at looking after kids so I had a bit of teasing. It got to me, and I spent a few years living with the memories but when I think about it now I think I've gotten over it. I've prayed for forgiveness a few times over the years for having judged the kids who did it to me and I think over time the hurt of it just melted away. I feel indifferent about it now. I even added one of the guys who teased me to facebook about a year ago. I don't have facebook anymore, but yea.

And I was called into the principles office once in grade 8 for having bullied. It caught me by such surprise cause I hadn't even realized I was doing it. I was only in Australia for a few months at the time and my English sucked (being second language) but fortunately I got attached to a group of people pretty quick and we hung out a lot together. There was this one girl who was sort of a part of our group but at also not. She was the 'other', 'different' or 'weird' one of the bunch so when the other kids started to shun her I just naturally followed. I feel bad for her now, I truly hadn't realized what I was doing.

From Zoe:

As a young teenager, I was always the 'different' one because my family moved around a lot and so I nearly always had a different accent and culture to my friends/classmates. By the time I had returned to my home country, I so desperately wanted to fit in and I was quite surprised to find myself 'adopted' by some of the really cool girls at school. What I didn't know was that they had a really cruel streak too and to my absolute shame, (it hurts me to even write this out), we used to taunt one of the teaching assistants and walk behind her, calling her names. She had what I now realise was some kind of edema in her legs and they were very swollen and sore and we used to call her terrible names and then laugh. Why? Well, it felt good to me, to be accepted by the group - they would encourage me to do it, and when I did, they would all laugh and pat me on the back. I craved that attention.

It didn't go beyond that - we never got physical with anyone, but we did pick on other kids too sometimes with name-calling. Again, for me, it was that need to be accepted, to be 'cool'.

The really horrendous part now, is that David, was terribly bullied at school because of his skinny frame and it has left such a terrible mark on him, that he is now working out. Had we gone to the same school together, he may have been one of the kids our group picked on.

I can blame lots of people for what we did, but I still knew better and I shouldn't have done it. Thankfully, as I grew up and became more settled in myself, I didn't repeat the behaviour. A few years ago though, I started to feel really tormented by the terrible names we had called that teacher, and I wondered if I had caused long-lasting hurt and pain...I had to ask God to forgive me, and to never let me be the sort of person who could ever do something like that again.

From anonymous:

Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this. It has helped me to get it out and I want to get help and make amends for what I did.

From Duane:

I was bullied in Jr. High and High School. I found that it got over quicker if I made no reaction or response to it. I just took whatever was dished out. I learned to be very good at avoiding the bullies and become invisible. I still have issues with letting people walk over me but it is getting better.

From Jimmy:

While he abused me, I was also bullied by several boys at school (7th grade). I developed a deep fear of people, and sunk into depression. I withdrew from all activities. Survival was the only focus, and I had deep shame of my attractions and suppressed anger. The very sad part was that no one in my "family" noticed. I was all alone, and (in my mind) admitting I was being bullied was admitting that I couldn't "take it" and that I was less than a boy.

From Arkansas:

I was bullied, mostly in the 5th-7th grades. I had some instances earlier by much older boys, but in the latter part of my 5th grade year on to 7th grade, it was by my peers. I was a newbie in the school at the end of 5th, and I was ostracized and picked on mercilessly by all the boys. I didn't have any friends, and that's pretty much were I learned I didn't fit in with guys.

From Tom:

The Image that gets in my mind is a football player bullying on a smart kid in high school. I wish I was less passive and intervened then. I did not really have an issue with being bullied. I sometimes have a difficult time with being passive. And this might sound like the most unmanly thing; but being bullied by girls. I don't think bullying is the right word here, but maybe being teased by girls. That I have experienced.

From Sy:

Oh boy! Bullying. Yep, I was bullied because I was the quite nerdy smart kid. I had my underwear thrown in the shower, I was beat up for a pencil, I was burned on the back of the neck with a hot nail. Yep, lots of bullying. Did I tell anyone, NO! I was too embarrassed myself. I didn't want my mother to have to worry about it so I kept it to myself. I am fixing to turn 53 and I still remember all of those incidents and more that make me feel about 1" tall. When I see Jesus He will take that pain away.

For everyone who has advised, urged or warned me to extricate myself from this situation locally, even if he HAS overreacted, I believe he is genuinely concerned about what happened. Even if he did make a mistake in dropping his son off at school when it was closed, does that change the fact that bullying may have occurred? All of a sudden his credibility is called into question because of the allegation that he dropped his son off during Winter break.  

Let's focus on the ISSUE of bullying, okay? Please understand, I am NOT talking about bullying at this particular school or in this particular situation. I am talking about bullying in general.

I would be genuinely interested in hearing from anyone who has experienced bullying and how it was handled: good or bad. Not necessarily at THIS school, but at any school in any area of the country. In fact, I don't need need, nor care to know about any particular school or person. If any names are posted, I will delete the post.

I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has been the bully or has bullied and express how you have dealt with it.  I have seen it happen. I have experienced it and I have seen how the response can often be worthless. Personally, I have NOT seen a helpful response to bullying, but that is MY experience. Surely there those who have received a different  and positive response when reporting to a school about bullying.

My point: acknowledge it. Don't act like it doesn't happen. 

Report it! Stop it!