Vitriolic Responses to Bullying Blog Post Deleted

No matter the threats and bullying attempts to intimidate speaking out, speak up.

Because of the fairly hateful and personal attacks made in the April blog on bullying, I have deleted that post. I hope that those same people (on BOTH sides of the local issue) will not post the same kind of attacks here.

The bigger issue is that it occurs. Let's address those concerns and not make the personal attacks. I hope I don't get any more calls or e-mails from friends and acquaintances telling me that I should "be careful" for getting involved in this situation. Although I appreciate your concerns, my concern is over the issue of bullying.

If you have never bullied, been bullied or parented a child of either, then you probably are not as passionate on this issue as those of us who have tolerated the problem.

Some of you may have read books by Frank Peretti, the author of "This Present Darkness" and other Christian fiction. However, you may not be aware that Mr. Peretti was the victim of bullying as a child. I would recommend reading his book "The Wounded Spirit," the true story of his experiences in being bullied as a child.

In urging help for the wounded, Mr. Peretti says:

"Speak up. You really don't have to tolerate the abuse any longer.

"So by now you should be ready to do something.

"Yes, it's going to take the right attitude on the part of the boss, the teacher, the parent, the principal or whoever is responsible for the school or work environment. They have to care. They have to be approachable. But you may have to take the first step, at least be ready to respond when you see the opportunity to bring the abuse to the attention of the proper authorities."

According to Peplar and Craig 1997 from Queens University Department of Psychology, “Bullying is the assertion of power through aggression. Its forms change with age: school playground bullying, sexual harassment, gang attacks, date violence, assault, marital violence, child abuse, workplace harassment and elder abuse”

Here are some other facts about bullying:

• For many children bullying is something they live with every day.
• Parents and teachers are often not aware it is happening or don’t recognize it.
• Bullying has serious immediate and long term psychological effects for those being bullied. They are more prone to adjustment disorders.
• Most bully victims will not report it to either parents or teachers for fear of retaliation from their tormentors.
• Children who are bullied are ashamed of it, and fear being ridiculed for not being able to handle it on their own. They concurrently feel that adults can do nothing to help them.
• Victims of repeated bullying report feelings of depression and loss of interest in activities. Suicidal ideation is not uncommon in victims of bullying as well as the bullies themselves. Research done by Kumak, Sourander and Gould, May 2010, published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry states “there is a positive correlation between bullying victims and suicide, with girls more strongly affected than boys”
• Victims most often are unable to stop the bullying without seeking help from an outsider.
• According to the National Education Association there are 160,000 children every day who miss school as a result of bullying. That is a 15% absentee rate and studies show both victims and the bullies are at risk for low grades, poor attitudes about school and poor functioning levels.
• In the American school system there are approximately 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 million victims.
• In any given playground bullying happens every 7 minutes and in the classroom every 25 minutes.
• In a study done by Leonard Eron, and Rowell Huesman, University of Michigan psychologists, they found children who bully in school have a 1 in 4 chance of having a criminal record by the time they reach 30 years of age. Olweus’ Bullying Prevention Program at Clemson University found that 60 % of boys in elementary school who bully others had criminal records by the time they were 24 years old.

School Policies Should Address "Bullying"

Individual schools and school districts MUST address how bullying reports are handled. These policies protect the rights of the alleged victims and the alleged "bully", and address potential safety concerns.



School staff should investigate the situation immediately to gather pertinent facts. They should then inform you about how severe the situation is and what they plan to do about it.



Example Bullying Report Form. This may not be legible, but if you would like a .pdf example form, contact me at perkins@perkinsfirm.com








School staff should never have a joint meeting with your child and the bullying/harassing child – this will be very embarrassing for your child. Also, a peer mediation meeting (when trained student mediators help peers solve conflicts) is not recommended because there is nothing to mediate or negotiate – the bullying and harassing is wrong, period.



Look out for what is termed "blaming the victim." Example: your child is getting bullied on the bus and instead of moving the perpetrator’s seat, your child’s seat is moved instead. It is important to voice your displeasure regarding such practices.

In chronic bullying situations, schools can consider several options including but not limited to: changing the bully/teaser’s school schedule as not to conflict with your child’s schedule; moving the bully/teasers seat at lunch or on the bus or assigning the bully/teaser another bus; removing the bully/teaser from sport teams or clubs; suspending the bully/teaser from attending school functions.

Each year, parents should request a current, updated version of their school's student handbook to understand what procedures are in place against bullying and in response to students' claims. An in-person meeting between parents and school administrators can also be requested and will likely be more meaningful (and less threatening) than e-mails or even phone calls.

Should I call the other child's parents to resolve the situation?

Generally, this is not a suggested strategy unless you know the other parents and expect an objective ear. Some parents may naturally come to the defense of their child and may have a difficult time believing their child is engaging in this type of behavior. Informing the other child's parents may also be embarrassing for your child. Parents of children who bully and harass others may be more receptive when this news comes from an objective party like a school counselor or principal.


We told our child to defend himself. Is this OK?

Although no one should be told they cannot protect themselves in self-defense when necessary, it’s important to understand that fighting back may cause other problems, including school suspension.


Many children are not comfortable with physical violence. Some boys face a special problem when told to fight back . Society tells them that to be considered a "real man" they have to be able to use their fists when necessary. Boys who are uncomfortable with fighting may have feelings of shame due to this misconception.


The shame is especially damaging if Dad is only giving his son one option to solve the problem: fight. Be sure to explain to your child the difference between situations which may require self-defense and those in which physical violence can be avoided.

What kind of legal action can/should be taken?

In bullying cases, there are several steps that can be taken if a situation spirals out of control, but you should also sit down with your child and discuss any problem he or she could be facing at school.

Knowing what your school's procedures are beforehand is the first step. The following steps should then be evaluated:

• Did the school follow its own protocol?
• Had there been previous incidents of bullying presented to the school administration/teachers?
• What actions were taken in prior incidents?
• Was the teacher/administrator aware of the bully's actions?
• What efforts were made to prevent continued bullying?
• Are there witnesses and documentation that substantiate the lack of proper supervision to prevent the bullying?
• Is the lack of supervision the cause the victim's injuries?
• How has the victim been damaged (physically, emotionally,psychologically)?
• Is it worth putting your child and yourself through the trauma of litigation when you can send him to another school? I am not advocating against litigation, one must just weigh all of the factors.
• What are your expenses associated with helping your child overcome being bullied (medical expenses, psychological counselling etc.)? These expenses may be reimbursed
• Will a private cause of action effectively bring about change in the system or will a school simply "sweep it under the rug" by paying you a little (or a lot of) money and demanding a confidentiality agreement so that nothing can be discussed about the facts?

Be Cautious that YOU, the parent, don't bully the school:


While being a concerned and involved parent is a good thing, parents that don’t know when to let children take on responsibilities are becoming a problem.

Helicopter Parents
In Batltimore, Maryland 60% of Baltimore teachers state they have been the victims of some form of harassment by parents.

Some parents have been given the title of "helicopter parents" because they hover over the school and supervise every detail of their child’s life. Some teachers report daily e-mails from parents filled with questions, complaints, and threats. This has prompted the Howard school system PTA in Baltimore to request that parents not send so many e-mails to teachers.

 

While schools have always encouraged communication between home and school, it is reaching a level that is unmanageabl. The school day is hardly long enough to respond to all the emails teachers receive.  This is especially true with affluent parents who see their children as a reflection on them as parents.

 

The idea of the helicopter parent is not new. Cornell University has been tracking this behavior since the 1980s when baby boomer parents began following their children to college. Parents were coming to college interviews and many suspected that they filled out the application forms and wrote the essays.

My Child Is Special

There is a mindset with some parents that the teacher has only one child in the classroom – theirs. Each student is important. And, when the child is not performing at a level that the parents feel is appropriate, the teacher is to blame.

It seems to be forgotten that there could be up to 28 other students in the same room. And, perhaps it is the student that is not working up to potential. Some parents are badgering teachers with so many emails that it would be impossible to respond to each and every email. Read more at Suite101: Teachers Harassed By Parents: Parents Can Be Bullies, Too | Suite101.com http://barbara-pytel.suite101.com/teachers-harassed-by-parents-a47159#ixzz1uNssYBK8

 

Can we agree that these are all very serious considerations to address privately and publicly about the serious issues associated with bullying?